and as everyone moves on,

so have i.

for the roaring year of the tiger, i’ve begun a new page at completesentences.

the ties that bind.

what constitutes to a person’s happiness? does a person need a whole lot of liquid assets? what about the so called myth about love above all else? how do we ever quantify what happiness is?

i was thinking about the recent happenings that seem to shake the entire universe that i am aware of. how is it that the different faces of people can turn so quickly that suddenly, a person doesn’t even seem to behave like a person.

and then there are situations that just made you think, what are we fighting for? is it worth it? everything simply seems to be extremely seems to torment and make me wonder, why am i doing this? why am i putting up with this? as selfish as it may seem, this isn’t who i am; this isn’t what i want to do; this isn’t what i yearn for. so why is it all on me?

i seem to have turned into another person that i don’t even know. i seem to become this person i cannot recognize. and for once, i really have a lot of regrets about the things i have and the things that i have to do and have done. i know the notion of how life should be that you should never live in the manner that you have regrets, but at this miserable point in my life, i really wonder what am i supposed to be doing, and why i have to put up with all the shit in my life.

my point is, people expect so much from me. and the social roles i have to play at every second, it is tiring me out very much. yet, for the things that i cannot deal with, i have nobody that i can speak to, nobody to hear me out, nobody to give me the words i need to hear, nobody to give me the advice i need. so my head is getting heavy, filling up with a whole lot of information that i do not need/appreciate.

and for what?

it is said that your family is the one who will always be the one who will be there, i kind of have my own theory as to how that succumbs. in a way, it is related to how ignorance is bliss. so when you don’t know anything, or at least when you pretend/assume not to know anything, it is always easier to get away with it. nothing to help, nothing to support, nothing to lend any shoulders to. the only family who eradicates the nothing for me, is my aging cat, she who sleeps with me every night and await the tears to lick (maybe because she likes salty contents, i don’t know). and even if she’s unable to give me the advice i need, her being there, simply helps. knowing that she needs me and appreciates it, that helps.

i wonder what will happen to me if something happens to her.

i don’t like feeling lost about things. but lately, lost is all i am feeling. i cannot find my direction, my head is in a big mess of unhappy emotions, and the increasing load that i have to bear everyday. how long can a normal person last?

and so my resolution for this year, is to extract myself from all this. speak less, and be involved less. i cannot live like this. i’ll go crazy soon.

i’m sure i need help.

for my back. for my heart. for my head.

2010.

AND AS HOW QUICKLY TIME CAME, (AND GONE) IT’S 2010 ALREADY!

so fast. seriously.

you know how it always is that we make resolutions towards the end of the year and never end up resolving them. so how come we still usually end up making resolutions?

aiya. whatever la.

i. resolve. not. to. make. any. resolutions. this. 2010. just let live to live. (:

IT’S 2010 ALREADY!

it is time for miracles.

it’s been awhile.

 

adam lambert’s album is not surprisingly queen-ie, but surprisingly nice.

 

it’s been quite the past few months. seriously. and now, christmas is coming. consider the time when it was time for resolutions of 2009, it’s time for 2010 please. and surprisingly, i DID fulfill quite the number of resolutions of 2009. secretly proud of myself.

 

especially my brush with death. hahahaha! (:

 

soon, it’ll be time to mug like an idiot. and then, the stress of results, and that’s the end of official schooling. that’s kind of scary. but. that’s a phase. which has to eventually end.

life and death.

how do you define what in life actually means something? after all, life after life ends, is a totally urelated difference compared to death. yet, when alive we all think and say things that we don’t mean, do things that we have no outright interest in, and believe in things that are not real. when alive we see the creations of man as a more important factor than man itself. when alive we seek the more reasons to live based ok whatever we can achieve to obtain materials.

so why is that so? why do we always regret our actions after life as come to a point of standstill and when thee’s no other option but to wait for time to pass by?