the ties that bind.

what constitutes to a person’s happiness? does a person need a whole lot of liquid assets? what about the so called myth about love above all else? how do we ever quantify what happiness is?

i was thinking about the recent happenings that seem to shake the entire universe that i am aware of. how is it that the different faces of people can turn so quickly that suddenly, a person doesn’t even seem to behave like a person.

and then there are situations that just made you think, what are we fighting for? is it worth it? everything simply seems to be extremely seems to torment and make me wonder, why am i doing this? why am i putting up with this? as selfish as it may seem, this isn’t who i am; this isn’t what i want to do; this isn’t what i yearn for. so why is it all on me?

i seem to have turned into another person that i don’t even know. i seem to become this person i cannot recognize. and for once, i really have a lot of regrets about the things i have and the things that i have to do and have done. i know the notion of how life should be that you should never live in the manner that you have regrets, but at this miserable point in my life, i really wonder what am i supposed to be doing, and why i have to put up with all the shit in my life.

my point is, people expect so much from me. and the social roles i have to play at every second, it is tiring me out very much. yet, for the things that i cannot deal with, i have nobody that i can speak to, nobody to hear me out, nobody to give me the words i need to hear, nobody to give me the advice i need. so my head is getting heavy, filling up with a whole lot of information that i do not need/appreciate.

and for what?

it is said that your family is the one who will always be the one who will be there, i kind of have my own theory as to how that succumbs. in a way, it is related to how ignorance is bliss. so when you don’t know anything, or at least when you pretend/assume not to know anything, it is always easier to get away with it. nothing to help, nothing to support, nothing to lend any shoulders to. the only family who eradicates the nothing for me, is my aging cat, she who sleeps with me every night and await the tears to lick (maybe because she likes salty contents, i don’t know). and even if she’s unable to give me the advice i need, her being there, simply helps. knowing that she needs me and appreciates it, that helps.

i wonder what will happen to me if something happens to her.

i don’t like feeling lost about things. but lately, lost is all i am feeling. i cannot find my direction, my head is in a big mess of unhappy emotions, and the increasing load that i have to bear everyday. how long can a normal person last?

and so my resolution for this year, is to extract myself from all this. speak less, and be involved less. i cannot live like this. i’ll go crazy soon.

i’m sure i need help.

for my back. for my heart. for my head.

2010.

AND AS HOW QUICKLY TIME CAME, (AND GONE) IT’S 2010 ALREADY!

so fast. seriously.

you know how it always is that we make resolutions towards the end of the year and never end up resolving them. so how come we still usually end up making resolutions?

aiya. whatever la.

i. resolve. not. to. make. any. resolutions. this. 2010. just let live to live. (:

IT’S 2010 ALREADY!

it is time for miracles.

it’s been awhile.

 

adam lambert’s album is not surprisingly queen-ie, but surprisingly nice.

 

it’s been quite the past few months. seriously. and now, christmas is coming. consider the time when it was time for resolutions of 2009, it’s time for 2010 please. and surprisingly, i DID fulfill quite the number of resolutions of 2009. secretly proud of myself.

 

especially my brush with death. hahahaha! (:

 

soon, it’ll be time to mug like an idiot. and then, the stress of results, and that’s the end of official schooling. that’s kind of scary. but. that’s a phase. which has to eventually end.

life and death.

how do you define what in life actually means something? after all, life after life ends, is a totally urelated difference compared to death. yet, when alive we all think and say things that we don’t mean, do things that we have no outright interest in, and believe in things that are not real. when alive we see the creations of man as a more important factor than man itself. when alive we seek the more reasons to live based ok whatever we can achieve to obtain materials.

so why is that so? why do we always regret our actions after life as come to a point of standstill and when thee’s no other option but to wait for time to pass by?

this nag in my heart.

i don’t know how to put it. but it’s been a rather unhappy period for me. i know how much there are other troubles that are affecting the brain but it’s already overspilling and affecting the entire atmostphere already. everyday. there is a shade over which there is never actually a day that a good thing is out. you’re always saying that other people are always complaining, but have you thought about how you’re always complaining? you don’t joke anymore, you don’t talk to people nicely, you don’t even exhude the proper table manners, much less complain about other people not having it.

i am constantly being placed in the middle. stuck. and at crossfire, because i don’t know which side to take. yet, sitting on the fence doesn’t exactly get me anywhere either. sometimes, ♀ vs – just gets me all fuddled, other times it’s ♂ vs -. when can i have some peace of mind to know that i don’t have to think about all these unnecessary ridiculous childish comments and criticisms?!

sometimes, i really just want to tell ♂ to stop minding other people’s business. seriously, enough is enough. you don’t care about the things that are happening in your face, you keep bothering about other people’s for what?! not as if you are damn free or something. seriously. -_-

i got bored complaining in my own blog, i ended up reading other mediacorp artistes blogs. in some odd way, some lead very fanciful lives with fanciful buys. while some, have stagnant blogs that are updated with fanciful finds. then there’s some that have the usual musings and rambles of another human being.

 

the world. is. a. mess. so many catastrophes happening all within a week. why?! there are major earthquakes, bad haze, high rising floods. then there are flash forest fires, and of course, the ever happening, melting glaciers. i’m depressed the world is in a mess. and we’re the ones who messed it up. yet, now, we have no idea how to save it. is it because we’re all just way too selfish to help conserve and preserve the best that nature has to give? like me. wasting electricity blogging at night when i should be asleep, this leads to the burning of coal, leading to the decrease in the supply of coal, and the introduction of more emmissions of smelly gases into the atmosphere. which causes more dark clouds to gather, and more rains to happen. and also more dust to form, trapping more heat on earth, causing more glaciers to melt.

 

OH MY GOODNESS. I JUST MADE MYSELF FEEL TERRIBLY GUILTY. SLEEP.