eat your vegetables ;

and as everyone moves on,

selly — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 11:18:12 +0000

so have i.

for the roaring year of the tiger, i’ve begun a new page at completesentences.

the ties that bind.

selly — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 15:42:03 +0000

what constitutes to a person’s happiness? does a person need a whole lot of liquid assets? what about the so called myth about love above all else? how do we ever quantify what happiness is?

i was thinking about the recent happenings that seem to shake the entire universe that i am aware of. how is it that the different faces of people can turn so quickly that suddenly, a person doesn’t even seem to behave like a person.

and then there are situations that just made you think, what are we fighting for? is it worth it? everything simply seems to be extremely seems to torment and make me wonder, why am i doing this? why am i putting up with this? as selfish as it may seem, this isn’t who i am; this isn’t what i want to do; this isn’t what i yearn for. so why is it all on me?

i seem to have turned into another person that i don’t even know. i seem to become this person i cannot recognize. and for once, i really have a lot of regrets about the things i have and the things that i have to do and have done. i know the notion of how life should be that you should never live in the manner that you have regrets, but at this miserable point in my life, i really wonder what am i supposed to be doing, and why i have to put up with all the shit in my life.

my point is, people expect so much from me. and the social roles i have to play at every second, it is tiring me out very much. yet, for the things that i cannot deal with, i have nobody that i can speak to, nobody to hear me out, nobody to give me the words i need to hear, nobody to give me the advice i need. so my head is getting heavy, filling up with a whole lot of information that i do not need/appreciate.

and for what?

it is said that your family is the one who will always be the one who will be there, i kind of have my own theory as to how that succumbs. in a way, it is related to how ignorance is bliss. so when you don’t know anything, or at least when you pretend/assume not to know anything, it is always easier to get away with it. nothing to help, nothing to support, nothing to lend any shoulders to. the only family who eradicates the nothing for me, is my aging cat, she who sleeps with me every night and await the tears to lick (maybe because she likes salty contents, i don’t know). and even if she’s unable to give me the advice i need, her being there, simply helps. knowing that she needs me and appreciates it, that helps.

i wonder what will happen to me if something happens to her.

i don’t like feeling lost about things. but lately, lost is all i am feeling. i cannot find my direction, my head is in a big mess of unhappy emotions, and the increasing load that i have to bear everyday. how long can a normal person last?

and so my resolution for this year, is to extract myself from all this. speak less, and be involved less. i cannot live like this. i’ll go crazy soon.

i’m sure i need help.

for my back. for my heart. for my head.

2010.

selly — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 15:29:27 +0000

AND AS HOW QUICKLY TIME CAME, (AND GONE) IT’S 2010 ALREADY!

so fast. seriously.

you know how it always is that we make resolutions towards the end of the year and never end up resolving them. so how come we still usually end up making resolutions?

aiya. whatever la.

i. resolve. not. to. make. any. resolutions. this. 2010. just let live to live. (:

IT’S 2010 ALREADY!

it is time for miracles.

selly — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 03:13:25 +0000

it’s been awhile.

adam lambert’s album is not surprisingly queen-ie, but surprisingly nice.

it’s been quite the past few months. seriously. and now, christmas is coming. consider the time when it was time for resolutions of 2009, it’s time for 2010 please. and surprisingly, i DID fulfill quite the number of resolutions of 2009. secretly proud of myself.

especially my brush with death. hahahaha! (:

soon, it’ll be time to mug like an idiot. and then, the stress of results, and that’s the end of official schooling. that’s kind of scary. but. that’s a phase. which has to eventually end.

life and death.

selly — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 03:46:20 +0000

how do you define what in life actually means something? after all, life after life ends, is a totally urelated difference compared to death. yet, when alive we all think and say things that we don’t mean, do things that we have no outright interest in, and believe in things that are not real. when alive we see the creations of man as a more important factor than man itself. when alive we seek the more reasons to live based ok whatever we can achieve to obtain materials.

so why is that so? why do we always regret our actions after life as come to a point of standstill and when thee’s no other option but to wait for time to pass by?

this nag in my heart.

selly — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 16:30:40 +0000

i don’t know how to put it. but it’s been a rather unhappy period for me. i know how much there are other troubles that are affecting the brain but it’s already overspilling and affecting the entire atmostphere already. everyday. there is a shade over which there is never actually a day that a good thing is out. you’re always saying that other people are always complaining, but have you thought about how you’re always complaining? you don’t joke anymore, you don’t talk to people nicely, you don’t even exhude the proper table manners, much less complain about other people not having it.

i am constantly being placed in the middle. stuck. and at crossfire, because i don’t know which side to take. yet, sitting on the fence doesn’t exactly get me anywhere either. sometimes, ♀ vs – just gets me all fuddled, other times it’s ♂ vs -. when can i have some peace of mind to know that i don’t have to think about all these unnecessary ridiculous childish comments and criticisms?!

sometimes, i really just want to tell ♂ to stop minding other people’s business. seriously, enough is enough. you don’t care about the things that are happening in your face, you keep bothering about other people’s for what?! not as if you are damn free or something. seriously. -_-

i got bored complaining in my own blog, i ended up reading other mediacorp artistes blogs. in some odd way, some lead very fanciful lives with fanciful buys. while some, have stagnant blogs that are updated with fanciful finds. then there’s some that have the usual musings and rambles of another human being.

the world. is. a. mess. so many catastrophes happening all within a week. why?! there are major earthquakes, bad haze, high rising floods. then there are flash forest fires, and of course, the ever happening, melting glaciers. i’m depressed the world is in a mess. and we’re the ones who messed it up. yet, now, we have no idea how to save it. is it because we’re all just way too selfish to help conserve and preserve the best that nature has to give? like me. wasting electricity blogging at night when i should be asleep, this leads to the burning of coal, leading to the decrease in the supply of coal, and the introduction of more emmissions of smelly gases into the atmosphere. which causes more dark clouds to gather, and more rains to happen. and also more dust to form, trapping more heat on earth, causing more glaciers to melt.

OH MY GOODNESS. I JUST MADE MYSELF FEEL TERRIBLY GUILTY. SLEEP.

money, that’s why.

selly — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 15:42:55 +0000

what kind of host hosts a 21st birthday party for his son, and invites his own friends? and not get the number of people right and end up telling his guests not to go instead. seriously. that’s just whatthehell please.

anyway. it’s been a fruitful day.

indian accents and monotone voices tomorrow.

sleepy.

the start of the last.

selly — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 14:29:12 +0000

that is what it is right. the very last lap. the last four units to go. and i’m done. therefore, i hope, the last lap, will be the best lap?

in the art of racing, a driver anticipates and causes whatever that happens next to take place. therefore, i got to anticipate the results of whatever that happens if i choose to do whatever else. the semester is going to be as short (if not shorter) as the last, so, shall just try to make the best of it. love it, live it, breathe it, embrace it, excel it. ya, like it is so simple. -_-

the past few days, despite the terrible throat and drippy nose, it has been pleasantly fun/interesting. one round of mj, lots of new food, and rather calm and peaceful moments. at this point in time, i just don’t want the holidays to end.

get well soon!

ready, set, go.

selly — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 15:53:31 +0000

it is 2 days left to the end of my suddenly-so-short holidays, and, OH, THE HORROR! -_- i have this immense fear/feeling that i have played for a tad a bit the a lot that i may have ended up forgetting how to take notes. hahaha! oh well, “i got a feeling ~~” that everything will be alright. i just need to set the mind right, and hit the play button really hard so that i get the right show to play. and give it all for the very last semester. till even more horror begins.

the irony. =/

anyway, after a long long wait, finally caught the proposal, and yet, as always, am happy that sandra bullock became an actress. (: although it seems frightening to stand next to a … boy?! but nonetheless, it was a good show.

so here’s what i have for the next 21 weeks or so of lectures:

monday – 12pm psych; 3.30pm hrm
tuesday – 12pm law
thursday – 12pm msm

so if need be a date, all other days please. maybe not wednesdays. because i may be in study mode then. although considering how nice the timetable is, if i don’t answer the phones over the weekends, it’s probably because i’m on some long weekend. happily only. -_- as they say, all work and no play, make selene a moody nerd.

all the more so, i wish the sore throat would go away and for whatever that’s ailing me be gone. i am in a very uncomfortable position, as it is. boohoo. and am also very pissed with the fat piece of shit called brother that’s stealing all my internet connection doing whatever he’s doing. (really very not happy hor!)

either way, hopefully a good semester ahead, and no nightmares about failing papers. sleep beckons.

sore loser.

selly — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 14:10:37 +0000

the problem with the sportsmen of sg:

Channel NewsAsia – Friday, September 11 SINGAPORE :

Singapore football captain Noh Alam Shah has slammed Singapore football, saying it is stagnant.

His remarks came ahead of his departure to Indonesia club Arema Malang where he has signed a one—year contract.

Alam Shah has been a household name, not only for his goal scoring but also his volatile temper.

Not new to controversy, the 29 year old said he has had enough of Singapore football, citing a lack of motivation due to poor attendances at S.League matches.

Several Singapore players are also contemplating a move to Indonesia clubs, which promise better salaries and capacity crowds.

Another grouse, Alam Shah thinks good players have been left out of the league because of the Football Association of Singapore’s insistence on them passing the beep or fitness test.

He feels he is also being singled out by referees for past encounters.

“The referee standards has also gone down a bit, maybe me and most of the referees got history. I think they treat me (based) on (what happened in) the past and not the present. That is wrong and that’s one of the reasons I am leaving,” said Alam Shah, who plays for the Singapore National Team.

Alam Shah will play his last match for club Tampines Rovers against Sengkang Punggol on Friday. — CNA /ls

i mean, come on. seriously?! whatever happened to the good hearted nature of sportsmanship.

TSK.